Recently, I tried to do some interracial dating on OKCupid and it did not turn out so well. There will be no names mentioned because I am so embarrassed to have ever been in the presence of a first-rate prick like that. He definitely turned out to be someone you love to hate.
OKCupid is an online dating website that offers free and paid memberships. The website allows its members to answer questions and offers them dating matches of individuals who may suit their criteria. The majority of the time, your matches never contacts you. At least that was the case for me. However, when one of my matches contacted me it was disastrous.
One of my dating matches was a 5'7, 31 year-old, Caucasian, with a heavy southern accent and has a big, black dog named Kingston. He was from Virginia Beach and worked at a Turkish restaurant on W. 22nd St. in Norfolk as a kitchen manager in Norfolk. I had ignored him the first time he sent me a message, but I got lonely and desperate enough to respond to him the second time around. The conversation went well. For some reason, he gave me the wrong number which led me to text a military Sargent's cell phone. I got grilled for that, but they were polite as military personnel could be after responding to someone with their private number. Why he didn’t know his own number is beyond me.
Reluctantly, I gave him another chance and texted his real phone number. Eventually, we met up and he took me out to a great Virginia Beach restaurant with good food where we discussed everything from childhood memories to everyday life. He was nice and I had really enjoyed the dinner and conversation. So we continued to talk and see each other.
One day I noticed that he wasn’t volunteering his last name, even after he had learned mine from the articles that I write. So I asked him for it. The first thing he says is, “What are you doing? Looking me up on Facebook?” So I told him that I find men Facebook pages upsetting because they have so much stuff to hide on it. However, he sends me a friend request anyway and I waited until noon to even accept it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
To make a long story short paradise turned into a nightmare. For some reason, he found it necessary to lie and say he deleted his OKCupid profile when he had only deactivated it, which I would have been okay with since he we had just met. However, his agenda was to keep me from logging in on OKCupid. So I did. Surprisingly enough, he stayed deactivated.
Things were going really well, so I wanted to make sure he was telling the truth. So I did some digging using his OKCupid username and found that he had several dating profiles. He was a member of POF, Meetme, Match.com and had personals on online classifieds too. That’s why it was so easy for him to deactivate his OKCupid account, because he was not missing any of the action.
On his Facebook page, he had a harem of his exes stacked up on the page. He was very angry that I found one in particular. After he had sent me a friend request, he basically stopped posting anything that I could see anyway. So I spent a weekend with him and made sure he had a home-cooked meal when he got off of work, cleaned up for him and walked his dog. Guess what? He never even said “thank you” and he didn’t wait even wait 24 hours after I left before he was on one of his dating profiles.
His dating style is nothing more than pure strategy and gameplay, but the strategy is not to win over a woman for a meaningful relationship. His strategy is to treat a woman good for three dates, then he tries to sleep with her by that time. All the while, he is checking his social networks and meeting people at work and at the store that he wants to replace you with. I even found a woman's glove on his sofa and he tried to pretend that it belonged to his mother.
As a chef, he spoke so proudly of cooking, but never cooked for me at all. When he did cook for me one night, it was frozen foods with a strand of black hair on the side and a bottled sauce from Sam's Club. I couldn’t figure out if the hair was from him or Kingston. He had photos on OKCupid to lure women in of food he allegedly "cooked," but it may have just been pictures he took of someone else’s plates. His kitchen cabinets did not have any spices or anything special about it. He had poor quality pots and pans. In fact, I had to walk to the store in order to get something decent to eat while I was there. In his fridge, was hair which I believe was from his body. Absolutely disgusting! If I had not seen the food-stained chef coats thrown in the back of his car I would have never believed that he was a chef. People who are passionate about their culinary career would have been so anxious to have new people try their style of cooking and he was not. I even offered him an interview in the beginning because of the way he talked about food, and he didn't want that either. As far as I'm concerned, if a chef only cooks when he is paid for it, he has no passion for his career. It is nothing more than a paycheck. Wherever he is now he can rest assured I will not promote him as a chef or any place he works for due to his lack of passion.
Another reason him and his employers are blacklisted from my website is because of his rude, arrogant, ill-mannered behavior. He was short-tempered, a habitual liar, cussed me out on my birthday and made several derogatory statements to me without so much as an apology. Things could have been worse, I could have actually had a relationship with the guy.
Here are some dating tips to help others spot a liar who is only out for a good time:
1. Research the phone number.
I have met a few guys online that have lied about their last names. So I did some online research of their phone number. I used a website called safecaller.com. I typed in his phone number and found out his last name long before I asked. It was the only thing he told the truth about.
2. Investigate the username.
If you have found someone on a dating site, do a background check on the username by typing it in google or another search engine and see what comes up. That is how I found out about all the Virginia Beach playboy chef 's dating profiles. Some of the dating profiles will reveal if they are still logging in or not.
3. Examine Facebook pages.
When you get accepted onto a Facebook page or even after finding out the person’s last name, stroll through as much of the page as possible to see what you can find. Check to see if people who posted things on the page are still friends with them. Take a look to see if they have stopped posting since you have been on their friend’s list. I ended up finding that he was still very much involved in his ex’s life. She was still clicking “like” on his posts well into 2014. Another ex was still calling him up on the phone talking about credit cards. Don’t feel bad about it. Not all games are fun. This is your heart you’re trying to protect.
4. Have some family around.
This was never my intention, but one day he was dropping me off at the store and he ended up meeting my sister by accident. He was completely distraught, nervous and didn’t want it to happen. In a joking manner, he described it as a setup, but he had no choice but to let it happen. I knew from there that he was not serious. He had no intention of staying around as long as he claimed he would, that’s why he didn’t want to meet a member of my family. Other guys that I have dated, never had this reaction before when encountering a member of my family.
5. No acknowledgement.
Notice how he or she acts on the phone when you are in the background. If he/she doesn’t even want to acknowledge that he or she is sitting in the room with you, then they are not serious about you. This is what the “chef” did to me. When someone called him, he said, “I’m not doing anything. I’m just home.”
Any man or woman who cannot take responsibility for hurting you, lying to you, cheating on you and deceiving you isn't worth your time or tears. Time will heal all wounds and you will be better for it. Sometimes we ask why when things passes us by, but count it all joy because God's best is yet to come. Don't sweat the small stuff.